Equality of the Human Condition?

I've got a 3 page paper due tomorrow but I'm writing this instead.  Priorities.

So apparently today was some big day for marriage equality or something to do with the Supreme Court deciding whether or not a couple of couples could get married.  That's what I gleaned from my Yahoo! page as I proceeded to check my email today.  And my Facebook blew up with a bunch of people changing their profile pictures to this:

or this:

or some other form of a red equals sign that is supporting marriage equality.

I also saw some of these:

along with some "=" with slashes through them.

I think I'm gonna change mine to this:

Along with this my feed was blown up with people ARGUING about this issue.  Seriously guys?  What difference does it make to you?  If you support it, shame on you.  If you oppose it, shame on you.  Shame especially if you do either of them with awful writing and grammar usage.  There's no reason for you to try to force your views on another person.  Every individual is different and will have different feelings about issues because we have the ability to form thoughts for ourselves.

To the Religious opposing the Equal Signers:  That's one of the great things the God who you are saying opposes this issue of same sex marriage gave us along with being formed in his likeness.  Sure it may go against your beliefs and your religion, but there's a thing called separation of Church and State for exactly that reason.  It's not up to your church to decide what each and every person does with their life.  They want a one way ticket to Hell, let them take it, but you sure as hell better not be casting a fucking stone.  I understand preaching the Good News, I am religious, but bashing people and showing blunt opposition to others views has NEVER gotten the religious movement anywhere.  Remember the Crusades?

To the Equal Signers tearing the Religious a new one:  I get it.  You support the idea that people should have equality.  I do too because it doesn't concern me what other people do.  Oppression sucks.  Don't blow up my damn Facebook page for it though.  Go to Office Depot; get some Sharpies, posterboard, high tack tape or rubber cement; make a fucking sign; and do something about it.  Sitting on your ass and posting shit on Facebook does nothing.  Okay, maybe it gives you the feeling that you did something.  Whooptie-fucking-doo!  I'd rather see you show your support by getting off your (one-third chance this is accurate) fat ass and be progressive.  While you're at it, chant some for me.  I couldn't give two shits.


Well now that everyone hates me, I guess you can all sleep well knowing that you're all united against me.  Just know that I care for you all.  Doctor probs.

Till next time, get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.

Round is a Shape

Promise this won't be a regular thing, but here's something I wrote right after getting back from my run tonight.  This means I'm about to get into shape.  Hopefully.

That’s the smell of victory

Of defeat

The sensation after a hard fought battle

Forsworn before its time is up

That’s the second rate

Working as hard as they possibly can

For the best

To take down the giant

When he’s weak

That’s you and me neck and neck

Pounding out miles

Pavement left only in our tracks

For trails

Of dirt

Mud

Leaves

Snow

Stuck

To the backs

Of our legs

Doubled over

From the effort

And getting back

Up

For rep two of twelve

That’s running

We’re runners

Stupid people with something to prove

Not to you or our friends

But to ourselves

That we’re better than we know

And there’s always something left

When it’s all on the line

Till next time, get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.

One more round

With the completion of my test this afternoon, I'm done with my last round of exams before finals for my second to last semester as an undergrad student at USI.  Now baring a complete collapse, I'm set to graduate with a degree in Biology and a minor in Psychology in the spring.  (Hopefully I can get that minor finished before I walk.)  I just need to get my shit together and get into med school now and get back on the roads and pound some major pavement.  I think that's what's missing in my life.  Running.

I'm just too damn lazy to get off my ass most of the time to run.  Sure I'm busy, but I could make some time for running too.  It's not that time consuming.  I feel if it would warm up, I'd be balls to the walls running all the time.  Also, I need to ride.  I just need to be more active than I have been lately.  Maybe I'll run in the morning (not likely) or tomorrow after class (more likely but still not likely).

Oh yea, Obama just won last night.  We'll all survive.  Not a huge deal.  Hopefully there's still room for me in the pool of physicians when I graduate.  Or maybe not.  Either way.

I passed on a very huge opportunity today that I'm regretting.  Have been all day.  I've promised (it's on Twitter so it's official) to never ever pass up anything that great again.  If I live up to that, I should be pretty well off for the rest of my life.  Damnit I'm a shit for not taking advantage of that...

Well, I'm pretty dry on ideas to write about tonight.  Just wanted something to do.

Till next time, get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.

Morose

Just realized how depressing all my posts are.  Guess I write when I'm sad.  I'm gonna try not to make them all like that.

Here's to happier days.

Stepping Back

I'm not sure where to start this post or if it'll even get published but here goes...

So much has happened lately (in the past day, week, and even month) that I feel like my life could have turned on its head if I hadn't been careful.  I'm still doing fine and on the track I want to be, but sometimes it feels like everything on the fringes of my life is falling apart.  I know I have no reason to worry because my support system (my family mostly) is the greatest ever and support me in everything and anything that happens.  I just wonder what would happen if something would happen to my "inner circle" and things along my life path would start falling apart.

I think a better way to put it might be that life is a race and everyone around me is my support and people I'm associated with.  It seems like these people have either been dropping out of the race or stopping to take care of other business that's more important.  My field has thinned lately.

Now that that's all in order, my life is not.  The only thing I know that's going to be happening any time soon is that I have to go to class tomorrow and work tomorrow night.  Other than that, the world is an open field and I can run any way I possibly want to (to an extent).  Sure I want to run toward med school, but what if i decide to take a left turn, drop out of school (or at least finish my degree since I'm so close), and just work the rest of my life.  Would I get the same support that I've got now?

I feel like, at this point in my life, that I should at least have some of my stuff figured out.  People in my class are married and/or pregnant and settling down.  I feel like Ted Mosby saying this, but that's what I want.  I want to be settled and not running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  I don't want to be in school for 7 more years after this.  I'd be completely content marrying and being a stay-at-home dad.  Dream life right there.

Life is fleeting.  It's never what you expect and is something else before you know it.  My advice: throw your cares, plans, and caution to the wind and see where you're supposed to go.  Who knows where you'll end up, just try to be happy where ever that is.

Till next time, get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.

We Are Young

For now.  A very short time in our lives.

We really don't have much time to be young and I didn't do a very good job of it in my early youth.  I'd like to make up for it now but I've got too much stuff going on now that is leading me to the rest of my life.  I just started asking myself if it's actually all worth it again.  I'm going to be in school for another nine years or so.  Do I really want to be a doctor that bad?

Short answer- Yes.

Long answer- It's what I've always wanted to do and I honestly can't see myself doing anything else practical with my life.  I can't go into business or sales and I don't want to be an underling the rest of my life.  I've got to have some authority in my job or I'll go nuts taking orders and doing things the way the corporation says I'm supposed to do them.  The only other thing I could do is be a "stay at home dad" figure, but that requires a wife that can carry the family financially.  Not the way I really want to go.  But I guess I could live with it.

Main problem with the "stay at home dad" deal is that I don't have a "Mom" to compliment my "Dad."  Sure there's possibilities but I haven't seriously gotten to know anyone on a deep level in a while.  I know it's not true but I feel like I've fallen out of the game.  Dumb.  I know.  Just wish I had that one person who isn't blood related who I could just turn to in any situation and she'd accept me for me, regardless of what it was that was on my mind.  I can see myself settling down soon.  Only thing stopping me is a lack of another party willing to take me up on my offer.  Wish she felt the same way I do...

Enough complaining.

Never mind.  Just a little more.  I'm injured again.  Stupid knee won't leave me alone.  Seems like the same problem that I had last year except this time, I've got my orthodics and they aren't in someone else's closet.  Guess we'll see if they can figure it out this time on Monday when I go to the trainer.

I haven't written in here in a while.  I was having some pretty vivid dreams for a while, so I started a dream journal.  That's where I was writing for a while.  Dreams stopped.  So did the writing.  Not sure this is going to be a regular thing.  I like putting ideas down, but writer's block gets the best of me most of the time.  This summer I'll be writing my novel for sure.  Haven't done that in a LONG time.

Till next time, get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.

Planning Ahead

Damnit I've been busy.  I'm not even going to try to update right now.  School and Cross took up my entire Fall semester and now it's almost over.  I just had an epiphany on the way home.

I plan too far ahead.

I think that's the main reason for my nonproductive life and lack of success in racing.  (Small update: I had a really shitty cross country season, running slower than I did Freshman year.)  I think too far ahead and plan my moves six in advance which makes me realize all the stuff that I've got to get through to get there.  If I'd stop looking so far forward and just live a little in the moment, I'd be alright to just do what needs to get done without a problem.

Sure there are some things that need to be planned, like projects with deadlines and some training stuff, but not every little detail needs to be in line before diving into some things.  I try to get everything together and run through every situation in my head before doing ANYTHING.  Some spontaneity would be nice in my life.  Too bad that's not me.  I've got great people surrounding me but never seem to get close to any of them because I'm thinking ahead to when I won't have time to hang out and keep a healthy relationship going.

Yeah, that last part was a bit of a tangent but it sort of relates.  I've been busy and had to plan ahead and now I've got the time to spare and no idea what to do with it.  I spend most of my free time on weekends sleeping because I've psyched myself into thinking that I'm always tired.  I have no problem with sleeping but some plans every once and a while would be nice.  Seems like people don't include me because I don't seem friendly because I'm "busy."  Wash, rinse, repeat.

Circles are viscous.  Nothing I can do about it.  I should stay away from the circus though, but at least that's plans.  Then again, clowns are kind of weird sometimes.  They get worse with age, too.

That last part was probably over your head but I got it and that's all that matters.  I'm the only thing that ever matters.  Just kidding, but seriously...

Read something the other day about "nice guys finish last."  Agreed with it completely.  I've been pushed to the background a lot.  I hope I'm nice and not just that ugly.  I was going for nice.  Putting the work in and being there for people is all I ever try to do.  Wish that would come across occasionally.

This rant has deteriorated.  It was so organized in my head.  But, just like everything else, it fell apart as it came out of that organized chaos.

Till next time, get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.

Absent

I feel like I've been absent in my life lately.  I've been doing alright, just not engaged like I would normally be.  Even for the summer, I feel like I'm just floating through, not overachieving, but not underachieving either.  I'm not being noticed either way.

I want to be noticed.

I haven't done anything spectacular and don't see anything coming my way soon.  Lately, I've found myself asking the question, "What am I going to do to make my mark?"  Sure I've been involved in Teenpower for a while and I've got a decent track record in school.  My running isn't extraordinary (and my training this summer's showed that too) and I'm not really a good enough swimmer or biker to be great at triathlons.  I could be average at everything I do; that's not interesting.  I want to stand out, to show the world that I am a person of excellence.  I just don't know how to do it.

I feel like I've spread myself too thin through my life up to this point.  I haven't been able to settle into an activity because I've been constantly moving from one thing to another in hopes of finding my niche.  I still haven't found it but hopefully it comes to me soon.

Till next time, get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.

Die Alone

This is not about the Ingrid Michaelson song.  But I sure wish it would end up like it does...

Sure it's brash.  Sure it's assumptive.  Sure there's a good chance it won't end up happening.  But that's how I feel right now.

I have done some stupid things in the past that have led to break-ups and falling outs and have some major flaws that I don't see resolving themselves in the near future.  I'm closed off.  I don't open up, even to people who I've know for a long time.  I don't have any really close friends.  Never really have for that matter.  Every relationship I've tried to sustain has fallen apart shortly after due to mistakes on my part.  I get distracted easily and can't focus on any relationship enough to make anything substantial of it.  Sure I'm still young and have some stuff to go through yet, but for heaven's sake, I'm 20 years old with no best friends that I can just call up and hang out with.  My best friend is too close to me to be considered my friend.  And my whole family's really close to him which also makes me uncomfortable with calling him my best friend.

I guess I'm not going to die alone, but I won't have anyone but my family, as of now anyway.  I've thought that I'd have a wife and kids someday.  It seems like people my age are starting to get married, or at least are in serious relationships.  I'm not.  I feel like I'm behind the curve.  I'm not used to being behind in anything, school, running, anything, and it's bugging the hell out of me.  Maybe all this will change soon, maybe it won't.  I just can't seem to put myself out there, can't step out of my shell to get to know other people.  I won't let other people know me.  Whatever the problem is, I hope there's someone there that will be able to change me or be comfortable with me withholding my feelings to a certain extent.

I'm probably just building this up and worrying myself too much.  I've got a lot of school ahead of me anyway.  I don't have time to worry about this or other people.  Whatever.  Another rant complete.

Till next time, get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.  (Fitting since I wrote this in a doctor's office.)

Seller's Remorse

In case you didn't know, buyer's remorse is when you buy something and instantly feel like you really shouldn't have made that purchase.  It's something I feel all the time because I'm stingy to say the least and don't feel the need to have a whole slew of possessions.  Call it a gift or a curse, but I lean more toward the curse stance.  I'm never comfortable with my purchases until later when I've settled into them a little bit.  Alright on to the real reason for this post, other than it's a new month and I want to get a post in before I run out of June, more on that later.

Seller's Remorse

Sure it's not as commonly known as Buyer's Remorse, but it's there.  And it's been hitting me hard lately.  I feel like, unlike buyer's remorse, Seller's Remorse get's worse as time progresses and the realization... What am I saying?  Let me explain in case you haven't followed

Seller's remorse is when you sell something or give something up that you think you shouldn't have.

Ok.  Back to business.  The way I see it, Seller's Remorse gets worse with time, unlike buyer's remorse which is able to be settled into.   Take smoking or drinking for example.  Sure, you know it's a good idea to give either of those two things up, but it's hard as hell.  You start off strong, going days without a beer or cigarette, but eventually it wears you down to where you can't hardly stand not having that alcohol or nicotine flowing through your veins, polluting your blood, and slowly degrading your internal organs as it does its job.  This doesn't apply solely to substance abuse though, mind you.

I'm clean and I'm feeling this too.  Sure it's different.  Sure I thought I was doing the right thing at the time.  Sure it's been hard without this in my life.  Sure I could probably live without it.  But it would make it easier, I don't want to, maybe it wasn't the right thing in the long haul, and no, it's no different than a relapse.