Damnit I've been busy. I'm not even going to try to update right now. School and Cross took up my entire Fall semester and now it's almost over. I just had an epiphany on the way home.
I plan too far ahead.
I think that's the main reason for my nonproductive life and lack of success in racing. (Small update: I had a really shitty cross country season, running slower than I did Freshman year.) I think too far ahead and plan my moves six in advance which makes me realize all the stuff that I've got to get through to get there. If I'd stop looking so far forward and just live a little in the moment, I'd be alright to just do what needs to get done without a problem.
Sure there are some things that need to be planned, like projects with deadlines and some training stuff, but not every little detail needs to be in line before diving into some things. I try to get everything together and run through every situation in my head before doing ANYTHING. Some spontaneity would be nice in my life. Too bad that's not me. I've got great people surrounding me but never seem to get close to any of them because I'm thinking ahead to when I won't have time to hang out and keep a healthy relationship going.
Yeah, that last part was a bit of a tangent but it sort of relates. I've been busy and had to plan ahead and now I've got the time to spare and no idea what to do with it. I spend most of my free time on weekends sleeping because I've psyched myself into thinking that I'm always tired. I have no problem with sleeping but some plans every once and a while would be nice. Seems like people don't include me because I don't seem friendly because I'm "busy." Wash, rinse, repeat.
Circles are viscous. Nothing I can do about it. I should stay away from the circus though, but at least that's plans. Then again, clowns are kind of weird sometimes. They get worse with age, too.
That last part was probably over your head but I got it and that's all that matters. I'm the only thing that ever matters. Just kidding, but seriously...
Read something the other day about "nice guys finish last." Agreed with it completely. I've been pushed to the background a lot. I hope I'm nice and not just that ugly. I was going for nice. Putting the work in and being there for people is all I ever try to do. Wish that would come across occasionally.
This rant has deteriorated. It was so organized in my head. But, just like everything else, it fell apart as it came out of that organized chaos.
Till next time, get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.
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